Family beliefs, relationships, and expectations influence you throughout your life. Even when you leave home to begin your adult life, you carry the lessons you learned in childhood with you.

Your primary source of connection with others stems from the attachment, nurturing, and socialization you witnessed and experienced as a child. When you are actively drinking or using drugs, your substance use disorder (SUD) creates strains on the fabric of the family. The brunt of your substance-induced behaviors changes how your family members react to each other and you. When you start substance addiction treatment, it is vital to include your family in the healing process.

Family Systems

How you interact with others outside of your family is different than the interactions in your family. While your family is the foundation for your beliefs, morals, and core values, they're also an independent unit. Families have their systems and expectations separate from society. As a result, your family can either be a source of comfort, protection, or happiness.

Your family sets boundaries within particular relationships. For example, parents set boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable in their relationships with their children. Some parents want to be friends or authority figures. Parents and children try to maintain that equilibrium. A SUD smashes both boundaries and the sense of safety, too.

Family Relationships

Any relationship you have is developed around communication and attachment to others. Your ability to maintain healthy relationships within your family is aided by your capacity to understand and develop healthy relationships with friends and loved ones. A SUD impairs connections and our attachments to others. Mood changes, constantly seeking a high, or nursing the aftereffects of alcohol or substance use distances you from your loved ones. As a result, you miss opportunities to connect and build healthy relationships.

The consequences of these missed opportunities to bond with another also hurt you physically. Positive relationships can increase your psychological well-being. Without a healthy support system, you cannot turn to a parent or sibling for help. It would help if you had your family because they can alleviate isolation, depression, or anxiety.

The Effects of a SUD on the Family

Siblings and parents are affected in different ways by your substance addiction. Family members may have some of these reactions to your SUD.

A parent or a sibling can feel their needs aren't met because the focus is on your SUD.
Sometimes the connection between a family member and you is severed because they want to distance themselves from your use.
A parent or sibling may lend you money despite the financial strain they incur. People who give you money think they're helping you, but they're not. Instead, they're enabling your use.
Legal problems you have can spill over to a loved one's life. Sometimes a loved one will act out their frustration or anger in a harmful manner, causing legal problems.
Loved ones can also express feelings of depression or anxiety.

Substance addiction treatment without family therapy can decrease the effectiveness of treatment. The article The Impact of Substance Use Disorders on Families and Children From Theory to Practice explains the two main reasons why alcohol or drug treatment without family involvement has a limited effect on the individual.

The first reason is that, by omitting the family from your addiction treatment, you ignore the emotional impact your addiction has on the family. If your family doesn't have a way to comprehend your addiction or reduce the roles that enabled your addiction, they can't change. The second reason is, when your family doesn't know about the effects of addiction on your brain, body, and behavior, they don't know how to support your effort to become and remain sober. Instead of becoming a healthy support system, they may treat you with distrust.

Lessons Learned in Family Therapy

As you participate in family therapy, your family learns about addiction and the effects alcohol or substances have. Substance use education is vital to help your loved ones incorporate long-term and short-term coping skills into your relationship with them. In addition, parents and siblings can identify their roles and how their harmful coping skills damaged their well-being. Without an understanding of how they feel and react towards you, healing cannot begin.

To help them start the healing process, they need the chance to discuss their feelings, even if they hurt your feelings. Substance addiction can make you selfish, and that behavior has consequences. Be prepared not to like everything you hear, but also keep an open mind. Therapy is a healthy way to listen to your family and work with them to regain their trust. As a result of building trust, your parents or siblings can find healthy alternatives to harmful feelings.

Parents and siblings can also reach out to support groups like Al-Anon. Al-Anon was created as a safe place to meet, listen, and discuss thoughts and concerns loved ones have about a parent, sibling, or child's substance addiction.

Substance addiction treatment that includes family therapy benefits both the family and the person with a substance use disorder. Addiction affects everyone around the person struggling with addiction and can create fractures in relationships. In family therapy, parents or siblings learn about addiction, family roles, and processing their feelings towards their loved ones. A person with a substance addiction may not want to hear how they hurt their loved ones or how their loved ones feel about them. However, family therapy provides a safe space for family members to set boundaries and stability. Monte Cristo Recovery helps the family in their loved one's detoxification. We provide the care and support needed our clients require to start healing physically and mentally. Our comfortable treatment facility is staffed by those who know how addiction impacts lives. Monte Cristo Recovery's belief is each person has their unique journey to recovery. To learn more about our detox services, call us at (714) 824-9896.

Boundaries are a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Boundaries are limits that we set to delineate what behaviors are and aren't acceptable around us. They let others know how to engage with us in ways we find permissible. When interacting with or supporting someone suffering from addiction, boundaries become even more important.

Who Needs to Set Boundaries?

Everyone should have an idea of how they want to be treated and corresponding boundaries tied to those expectations. Setting boundaries can be tricky when it involves persons with a substance use disorder (SUD). Even though you may want to do everything in your power to help your loved one, you deserve to set boundaries for your own well-being. Communicate openly and respectfully with the person to help set expectations clearly.

For a person supporting someone suffering from addiction, they can become easily drained. Setting boundaries gives space for both SUD recovery and your overall self-care. Professional counseling or support from your doctor or other family members can help provide additional support if needed when setting your boundaries. Don’t allow guilt or codependence to prevent you from prioritizing yourself in your life.

Why Boundaries Are Important

According to SMART Recovery, repeatedly breached boundaries in a healthy family unit or relationship eventually begins a process of deterioration in the family. Feelings of fear, distrust, or resentments begin to grow. Then, the level of dysfunctional behavior increases. Unhealthy boundaries or lack of boundaries altogether takes a toll on the rest of the family.

When a person has weak boundaries, they compromise their character or identity. Weak boundaries lead to the person or family unit losing themselves and their identity. When a loved one is addicted, those with weak boundaries usually live in constant fear of being lied to and taken advantage of. However, when you set boundaries with a loved one suffering from addiction, you increase the chances that he or she will seek help.

How to Set Boundaries

Recognize boundaries as sacred for building healthy relationships. Identify your limits and be willing to stand up for what you believe to be right. Use the following suggestions to help you set your boundaries:

Express that you care for them when discussing your boundaries.
Emphasize that your love for them doesn’t mean that they are your only concern.
Prioritize yourself even when you find your loved one in the throes of their SUD. If your health suffers, you will lack the capacity to show up for yourself or them in the long run.
If you have a boundary with a family member or friend, use it and respect it. Do not be afraid to say no.
Avoid becoming passive whenever a person with SUD communicates their demands or requests. Consider how it will affect your personhood, time, or energy.
Prior to the start of the conversation, create a clear list of what is acceptable and what is not in your relationship.
Choose a time suitable for both of you to discuss these concerns.
Continue to learn more about how to set and communicate boundaries.

Examples of Healthy Boundaries

If boundary infringement continues, that's a red flag. If the family is ignoring the problems at hand, and your quality of life is worsening because of your family members' behavior, it's time to take action. Consider these examples to help you and your loved ones:

#1 “No drugs or alcohol in the house or around me.” Your home is a safe space, and you should be able to live without the fear of drugs showing up there. Inform your loved one of the consequences if they violate the rules, so they can make their choice to stay or leave.

#2 “If you get arrested, I will not bail you out.” Setting a limit with your loved one can be difficult, but it's necessary in order to help them confront their addiction. Clarify that they are an adult and can do whatever they want to do, but that there will be consequences when the time comes. They should conform to the behavioral boundaries that you expect and what the law requires.

#3 "Friends who use drugs are not allowed in the home." You might not control your loved one if he or she is still using, but you can control who is in your home. If you don't want any people under the influence of drugs in your home, then set that boundary. It will decrease the likelihood of SUD adversely affecting you and your family.

#4 "No more ridiculing or insulting language." Protect your family and home by establishing what kind of language and actions are acceptable. Remember that it is your right to engage in polite discourse only while in your home.

#5 "No more monetary help." You are not responsible for the other person's substance use disorder. You can take care of yourself by not subsidizing them. If you want to provide assistance, paying for things like gas or food directly can give you a way of helping without the chance of enabling their drug use.

Boundaries provide the structure necessary for secure, healthy relationships and open-hearted communication. Without setting boundaries, even the most rational, kind, and caring people are vulnerable to manipulation from others. When boundaries are violated, healthy relationships can become toxic, and relationships can be unnecessarily tenuous and strained. Boundaries permit people to have healthy conversations about sensitive topics such as addiction, illness, and violence. At Monte Cristo, we understand how important it is to set boundaries with a loved one suffering from addiction. Boundaries exist to protect our self-esteem and to protect our self-care. With strong boundaries in place, you can help your loved one begin their journey to sobriety. Our team of professionals is here to help you begin that journey today. We support all recovery and therapy modalities, and our individualized treatment plans give our clients the tools they need to succeed. For more information on our substance use treatment programs, call us at (714) 824-9896.

Why Family Therapy Is Important In Substance Abuse Treatment