Forgiveness is a powerful act. The act of forgiveness releases feelings of anger or resentment towards someone who has harmed you. Sometimes, the person you need to forgive is yourself. Learning how to forgive yourself for past mistakes is incredibly important for your recovery. You deserve that grace. Here are some ways to know when it’s time to give yourself that grace and how you can do it well.
Give Yourself Grace and Self-Forgiveness
If your substance use has driven you to make decisions you regret, you may be ashamed of yourself. You may have stolen from people you love or hurt your spouse. In order to be successful in the treatment process, you need to choose to love and forgive yourself. This means understanding that you're not a bad person, just one who has been struggling with a SUD.
Self-forgiveness allows you to move forward with confidence and self-esteem. When we forgive ourselves, we grow past our shortcomings and can see our strengths and progress. As you forgive yourself, you release old feelings of shame and guilt. It can help you cope with anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. Self-forgiveness can also help you deal with behaviors that you experienced during substance use, such as lying, cheating, and stealing. Through forgiveness of the self, you can find inner peace.
Releasing the Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame, while unpleasant, are an important part of life. They come from the conscience to help you understand right from wrong. It's important to face these feelings in order to recover fully. Leaving shame and guilt untreated and festering often creates a cycle of self-criticism and self-deprecation.
This cycle creates negative thoughts like “I'm not good enough,” “I’m bad,” or “no one will ever love me”. An individual with a SUD places their recovery at risk with such thinking. For this reason, many treatment programs advocate for their participants to work through their feelings of guilt and shame. Oftentimes, counselors, treatment centers, and recovery groups like AA make the following suggestions to amend your past mistakes and release guilt:
Avoid suppressing your past actions. Instead, own up to your mistakes. Admittance can free the person from the negative cycle.
Though a person cannot undo past mistakes, they can make amends for past wrongs by offering to perform a good-faith gesture for the person they hurt. Also, one can take part in an activity that benefits members of their community.
Seek forgiveness from those whom you have harmed. Be intentional and considerate of your words when addressing the injured party.
After completing these suggestions, work on forgiving yourself.
Using Self-Forgiveness to Prevent Relapse
Recovery is an ongoing process that calls us to acknowledge our mistakes in order to move forward. There is evidence that self-forgiveness plays an important role in reducing the likelihood of relapse. This matters because everyone experiences setbacks or challenges throughout their recovery. Self-forgiveness is a demonstration of compassion towards ourselves, giving us the space to learn and regroup from the inevitable challenges and setbacks.
Essentially, by choosing to practice self-forgiveness, you will reap many benefits that strengthen your recovery and avoid relapse. The following benefits stay with you as long as you hold on to the practice of self-forgiveness:
Shifting the focus away from yourself and moving it to your recovery plan
Avoiding the self-deprecation that often follows shame
Feeling more committed to treatment and recovery
Regaining hope and increased motivation
Reacting in a more positive manner towards yourself
Tips for Forgiving Yourself
You may need to try a few things before you find what works for you. Talk therapy is an integral part of treatment at inpatient and outpatient facilities, but there are other options, too. You can also seek a therapist on your own or talk to someone close about what happened to you. Writing about your past may also help you process the feelings or thoughts surrounding past wrongdoings.
Here are some tips that you can follow to assist with practicing self-forgiveness.
Understand that forgiveness implies freedom from needing approval from others.
Recognize that forgiveness is more of an internal process.
As you forgive yourself, work to redirect yourself and set your sights on a positive future.
Don’t beat yourself up. Instead, choose to exercise self-compassion.
Recognize that forgiving yourself may come at the cost of temporary discomfort and anxiety.
Even if the injured party refuses to forgive you, doing the work is still important.
Accept that guilt, shame, and regret are feelings that can experience healing.
A noble act of self-forgiveness is seeking out treatment for yourself. At Monte Cristo, we can help you continue your path of recovery.
When you’re unable to forgive yourself, that’s a signal that you may benefit from professional services. Too many people allow the shame and guilt of past wrongdoings to impede their recovery. The path of self-forgiveness offers you the opportunity to redeem the past and recover. The first step in forgiving yourself is breaking the cycle of self-loathing and guilt. At Monte Cristo Recovery, we understand the benefits of talking to a therapist, going to a treatment center, and attending support groups. These are all healthy ways to build compassion for yourself and your recovery. We want you to be able to forgive yourself for the decisions you've made in the past. You deserve to experience the love, recovery, and self-worth of a successful recovery. When you forgive yourself, you no longer have to endure the silent inner voice that criticizes you. For more information about how we can help, call us at (714) 824-9896.