In a relationship where both people suffer from substance use disorder, there is a real danger that one partner might facilitate the substance use of the other. One may even try to dissuade the other from recovery. With that being said, the process of recovery is still possible for couples like this with some hard work and strategy.
When Drinking or Substance Use Harms the Relationship
Substance use or alcohol consumption can put a strain on a relationship or family dynamic. Individuals with substance use disorder often fall into patterns of making poor decisions, saying hurtful comments, or acting inconsiderate of others. These traits prove quite damaging to any relationship, especially the family system. Some of the following signs and symptoms of substance use disorders (SUDs) have the potential to harm the family and/or relationship dynamics:
Family experiencing significant financial losses or vulnerability
Drugs, alcohol, or drug paraphernalia are hidden around the house
Either or both partners choose to party excessively “with friends”
Lapses of judgment or promises that lead to infidelity, missing important holidays or family events, or dropping parental responsibilities
Placing each other or the children's lives at risk by driving while intoxicated or under the influence
Failure to keep each other accountable
Failure to hold a job because of chronic lateness or absenteeism
Developing medical conditions like liver disease, persistent tremors, memory lapses, or others
Escalating arguments because of the consequences of chronic drinking or substance use
Drinking and substance turn into one of the shared activities between the couple
Domestic disputes turn violent or involve “hostile touches" because of the influence of drinking or substance
One or both partners need the influence of substances to express affection or discuss relationship problems
Isolating the family from friends and relatives in order to hide their substance use
If you notice yourself and your partner exhibiting any of these patterns listed above, professional treatment can assist the healing process.
Rebuilding the Family Through Sobriety
It is possible to rebuild the family and the relationship that the addiction has affected. Relationship problems don't magically go away when the drinking or drug use ceases. In fact, research has shown that involving partners in the treatment at some point, such as during an intervention, can be very important in helping the treatment succeed. Here are some tips to get you started on the path:
Enter treatment together.
Seeking treatment together can help renew the relationship, as both individuals attain sobriety. Treatment centers can provide the services and tools for long-term recovery. Couples can seek help from their primary care provider or therapist to get started. These references can help them weigh options and choose the best treatment center for their current circumstances and conditions.
Affirm each other’s progress and support.
In recovery, providing reassurance to each other can help so much. Try offering each other praise, affection, and understanding to increase the likelihood of long-term abstinence. Affirming each other during times of sobriety often renews the sense of enjoyment in the relationship and confidence of the recovery process.
Create new routines as a couple.
Are there people, places, or things that correspond with the couple's drug use? Brainstorm extra activities or places where the two of you can go instead. Consider the things you liked to do before the substance use. Some couples also find it helpful to join a recovery support group together.
Resolve conflicts compassionately.
Relationships can be challenging, but there are ways to make it easier for both partners. When you approach your partner about sensitive subjects, try using "I" statements to express your feelings or concerns. Avoid blaming them for your feelings.
Practice self-care.
Although it might seem selfish at first, taking care of yourself is very helpful for renewing balance in your relationship. A decrease in stress helps you produce more energy to show up for your partner.
Offer each other an empathetic ear.
Taking an empathetic stance with each other will help prevent resentment. It provides the opportunity for each partner to share their unique experiences and struggles in their recovery without judgment. Try to find time for just the two of you to chat about how you're feeling and make sure that each person feels safe enough to share their thoughts and feelings. With this goal in mind, the two of you can work through the difficult emotions and issues of recovery as a team.
How Can Treatment Help?
Qualified treatment centers can help you and your partner begin the recovery process. They can provide you with tools to get sober and stay sober. The right centers provide the opportunity for safe and medically supervised detoxification. Besides detoxing from substances, behavioral therapies, especially family therapy, can assist with healing the family and/relationship. They can support your care with an aftercare plan.
At Monte Cristo Recovery, we provide our male patients with medically supervised detoxification. Our treatment center can help you detox from opiates, benzodiazepines, alcohol, or poly-substance abuse. For more information about our detox process and associated medical treatment, contact Monte Cristo Recovery today.
The costs of substance use are staggering. Often it causes broken relationships, breakdowns in the family dynamic, and lost time. Partners are often left feeling resentful, lonely, unheard, or unsupported. For couples with children, the situation can be even more fragile. However, there is hope, especially for couples choosing to recover together. Please recognize that substance use disorders don't have to lead to negative outcomes. At Monte Cristo Recovery, we know that choosing sobriety is a life-changing step that can lead to the renewal of relationships and the family. Having your partner join you on this journey can make all the difference. There are some ways that couples can recover from SUD while still maintaining their healthy relationship. Finding the right medical treatment, support network, and therapy can assist with this journey. To learn how Monte Cristo Recovery can make the path easier for you or your partner, call us today at (714) 824-9896.