You may be feeling overwhelmed by the idea of explaining addiction to your kids. You might be afraid they'll use drugs themselves or think you're a negligent parent. Remember, addiction is a disease and not a moral failing, and if you don't explain the facts to them, someone else will. You are also not alone in your worry.
According to the National Institute on Substance Abuse and Child Welfare, “In the United States, about 1 in 8 children ages 17 or younger are living in households with at least one parent who has a substance use disorder." Here's some advice for making sure that when you talk to your kids about drugs, they understand the truth about addiction and how it can affect them in the future.
Parental Substance Use Disorders and Their Impact
According to the report cited above, nearly 9 million children live with at least one parent who struggles with addiction. A substance use disorder may lead to a chaotic lifestyle and unpredictable behavior that can make it difficult for the parents to meet their children's needs. A number of these children grow up in an environment that provides limited guidance. As a result, they are at greater risk of experiencing difficulties. These difficulties may include:
Resistance to rules or authority
Poor performance in school
A higher risk of developing anxiety or depression
Experimentation with or use of alcohol or other drugs
Social withdrawal or isolation
Difficult relationships with peers, adults, and others
Difficulty achieving autonomy
Finding it challenging to maintain high self-esteem
Besides seeking treatment for their SUD, parents can support their children with an open line of communication and additional services. This can change the course of a child’s future when it comes to substance use and may help a parent move forward in their recovery process.
Talking to Your Child About Substance Abuse
Brushing the topic of substance use aside gives children the message that addiction is a shameful family secret. Instead, plan to discuss your decision to seek treatment in an age-appropriate manner, setting the stage for open and honest communication. How you talk about addiction will influence their opinions on the matter and can reduce stigma.
Your kids will want to know what you're going through. If you're honest with them and use the term substance use disorder, they may come to think of it as a disease like diabetes or cancer. In an age-appropriate way, give them as much information about the risk of substance use as you can. Using accurate language is the best thing you can do for your children. It's the best thing you can do for yourself, too. The talk may be scary at first, approaching the subject with care and honesty will ensure they get the correct information.
Use some of these reference points to approach this topic with care.
Make sure they know you will listen and answer their questions honestly.
Talk to them about how you and your partner have supported each other and will continue to do so.
Use science-based information to talk to your kids about SUDs and recovery.
Avoid blaming individuals or communities.
Do your research and come up with the right language or terms.
Don't use fear-inducing, judgmental, or blaming language.
Talk about how your SUD affected your life and the decisions you made.
Take their feelings into account.
Ask your questions with open, non-judgmental compassion.
While it's never easy to talk to your kids about drugs, it's also never too early. Let them know that it's OK to talk about the problem without having to feel scared, ashamed, or embarrassed. They don't have to lie, cover for their parents, or keep secrets. Instead, they have your support and can talk to someone else they trust, like a teacher, counselor, or peer support group.
The 7 C's as a Guide
Start the conversation now, and try to explain that you're not judging or condemning them, just telling them what's true. If you're having trouble coming up with what to say, here are some common phrases you can use. The 7 C's of addiction provides a useful framework for children to understand their parent's substance use disorder and how it affects their lives. After you've talked with your child, consider sharing a copy of this information with them. Your child may wish to carry a copy of this information as a reminder of how they can cope with conflicting feelings surrounding their parent’s SUD treatment. Use and remember the 7 C’s below:
I didn't cause it.
I can't cure it.
I can't control it.
I can care for myself by communicating my feelings, making healthy choices, and by celebrating myself.
Help them understand that no one chooses to suffer from addiction. You can work together as a family towards recovery.
If addiction is affecting your family, it's important to start talking about it earlier rather than later. With love and support, you can get the conversation started. The best thing you can do for your kids is to show them that it's possible to overcome a substance use disorder with the proper treatment and coping skills. Express to your children that with SUD treatment, life can get better. Showing them this hope will make them feel secure. At Monte Cristo Recovery, we know how a parent's addiction can affect their child's mental and physical health. We offer a variety of holistic and traditional therapies to help parents struggling with addiction. We can give you the tools you need to explain your disease to your children in a way that is age-appropriate and beneficial for all. To speak with one of our trained professionals, reach out to us at (714) 824-9896 today for more information.